Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Blind Squirrels

The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, a book review

My husband often says that “Even a blind squirrel can find a few nuts”. He means that even when a person has all of the wrong philosophies or theologies, because of God’s good grace, they can unwittingly land on good ideas or practices.

This, I have found true in Laura Doyle’s book, The Surrendered Wife. Laura Doyle claims to be a feminist and is definitely writing from a non-complementarian point of view. She also only believes in a “higher power” who fits in to her imagined parameter. In spite of these obvious errors, Mrs. Doyle found some golden nuts.

First, her test: “How Intimate is Your Marriage?” Answer “rarely”, “sometimes” and “frequently”.

Do you:
1. Feel superior to your husband?
2. Nag your husband?
3. Commiserate with other wives about your husband?
4. Hear yourself say, “I told my husband…”?
5. Think that everything would be fine if your husband would do what you tell him to do?
6. Eavesdrop on your husband’s conversations?
7. Feel like the only adult in the family?
8. Feel overburdened in parenting your children?
9. Do things for your husband that he is capable of doing for himself?
10. Have recurring anxiety and depression?
11. Feel exhausted?
12. Find either of you are disinterested in “the marriage bed”?
13. Feel resentful or jealous about your husband’s victories in life?
14. Reject or criticize his gifts?
15. Fantasize about divorce of life with a man who would better match you?
16. Discount the reasons you chose your husband in the first place?
17. Feel hopeless about your marriage because your needs have gone unmet for so long?
18. Have a hard time trusting you husband even in small matters?
19. Find yourself trying to control your husband?
20. Get angry with your husband when he makes a poor decision?

I realized that just in these first pages that I have some work to do. I scored middle of the range in this test and the reason is that I have learned to not verbalize my disrespect, but it is still there, playing over in my mind. And I’m fooling myself if I think that my family doesn’t notice my attitude. Ouch!

The author does a very good job explaining how we women try so much to control what is going on…that old garden curse! She tells us that we only end up destroying trust in our marriages.
I’m a conservative, complementarian Christian, who believes that God’s Word in the Bible is infallible. So saying, I did find some of the things that she says offensive. I also found some of the things she says surprising knowing that she would consider me a “fanatic fundamentalist”.

I definitely think that this author over all, has found some good principles that God in His grace helped her to find. And I think I have some homework to do!

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